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Oct. 27th, 2012

fedal

the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view

This Is

Somewhere, some night
you lean by the bar
talking at length of life
the universe
and how much you love her

I am there
and this is inconsequential

You hold a glass half full
of two types of poison
and the stance of a man
who knows too much
while knowing nothing at all

I move closer
and this is imperceptible

Smoke licks from the bright burning tip
of your dwindling cigarette
then catches in my hair
like a lover's hands
and rakes its fingers through

I cough
and this is unintentional

Months ago
those fingers were your fingers
smoke curled out the window
and your kiss
was nicotine and rum

I remember well
and this is unhelpful

Now here we are
ten years since hello
friends at the end of it
and you lean by the bar
while I sigh

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Oct. 22nd, 2012

fedal

(no subject)

A stable man
breaks a mirror
and bathes in the broken glass
The lies of a lifetime slice his skin
all transparent now
But no blood is drawn;
the shards cut clean
and he is happy
(yes)
He has always been happy

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Oct. 20th, 2012

dean & cas

NaNoWriMo

Ho hum. Well, it's November soon, and that means NaNoWriMo. I've been getting into NaNo mode, and have been plotting two different novels and perusing the forums for the past week and a bit. I'm excited to start writing!

In the mean time, I've been making NaNoisms (funny writing errors) already, before the actual novelling period has even started.
Here's a couple:

He dresses in a rock, with a slim foot white shit and super tight blur jeans.
He has receding light brown hairy prominent cheekbones.

Other than that, character outlines are being done. It's a lot of fun!

Anyone else doing the NaNo thing this year?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Sep. 12th, 2012

fedal

(no subject)

For years now, on top of my mental health diagnoses, I've been suffering from fibromyalgia (basically, chronic muscle pain). I used to take medication for it, but it was a type of antidepressant, so I had to stop using the drugs when I started on my current ones. It had never been much of a problem, but just lately the pain's worsening again. My back keeps cramping up and my shoulders, neck and hips ache constantly. The weather can be a factor, but it's warming up again now and the pain isn't getting better. It is so bad tonight that I can't even walk properly. Heat packs aren't helping, stretches don't work... And it just hurts, so damn much.

In other news, I watched the first nine episodes of Teen Wolf last night. I think I rather like it!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Aug. 31st, 2012

roger smiles

(no subject)

Hearing the news about Andy Roddick's upcoming retirement has brought me to an unfortunate realisation: I don't know what I'm going to do when the players I currently love to watch have all retired. My issue is, nobody in the new generation of players has really stood out and made me think, 'Yes, I want to support you and follow you through your career.' That could change, of course, but right now I'm just not that interested.

When I first saw Roger Federer play on TV back in 2001, I was not quite 11 and I'd never seen a whole tennis match before. But for whatever reason I was instantly drawn to him both as a player and as a person, and decided then and there that I liked Roger, and tennis.

Over the years I kept following Roger and began to understand more about the sport as a whole, too. I never watched a lot of it, being busy with school and having bad television coverage of all but the Australian Open. Still, I enjoyed it. I began to like other players, too, but nobody jumped forward to match my love for Roger until about 2004/2005 when I saw bits of his matches against Andy Roddick at Wimbledon. And suddenly, Andy was on my radar.

Then, in 2005/2006, my attention was grabbed by another 'new' player. The sleeveless powerhouse that was Rafael Nadal was hard to ignore. From that point my interest in tennis trebled, and I often get very invested in tournaments and results and all that jazz.

As the years marched on, Roger has remained my number one player. Rafael is a close second. I still adore Andy, and I have a love/hate relationship with Novak Djokovic (he irritates me, but I like to watch him play). I like Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, David Ferrer, Fernando Verdasco... The problem with this list is that the youngest player is about 26.

I know 26 is still young, and there could be another 5 years left in those players. I hope there will be. I hope Rafael's knees hold up, and the others stay injury free.

But even through that hope, I have to accept the fact that Roger, always my all-time favourite, is 31 now. He hasn't really shown any signs of slowing down, winning Wimbledon and an Olympic silver medal this year. But I don't know how much longer he will be playing for. How much longer any of "my" players will be playing for. And that's tough to swallow.

I hope I'm not the only tennis fan who is worried about the end of an era.

Aug. 20th, 2012

dr horrible

you've washed your hands clean of this

beautiful stranger

once swayed to claim that Shakespeare wrote the perfect tragedy,
my teacher thought himself so wise as to say
“there’s no such thing as perfect”
but when five years on, my eyes find your face
suddenly I want to turn back time
to argue the validity of ‘perfect’ until that teacher sees true

because what kind of creature are you
tousle-haired like you just woke up, though it’s well past noon
your sweet honey eyes somehow ignited, turning toffee brown
skin so fair, peppered with freckles
nose curving gently downward
and smile slightly crooked, catching on the left hand side

this is something unfamiliar
where my head and heart stop working
(or work overtime)
my every thought, for a fleeting few minutes, is you
and like in Shakespeare, this is tragedy paired with perfection
for I do not know you, and never will

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

fedal

I gave you all

I'm sick, and sleeping at weird hours again. I have emails to reply to, but I'll have to do it in the morning. For now, a poem. Because it's been a while, and I was given some words to weave into writing. For reference, the words were: aplomb, apple, droop, eiderdown, iridescent, ravaging, swirl and moist. This is what I came up with.


Untitled (a poem for the man I have yet to meet)

All who had preceded him left chaos in their wake
Tying triple knots in my heart strings and ravaging my head
'Til I was alone with cuts and questions

Then he came with great aplomb that fit well with outward appeal
A face like the art of Masters
And apple green eyes that sliced like diamonds to the depths of me

I found those eyes a curiosity
Their iridescent glow all encompassing, so much that I lost time by them
As they promised secrets I could only hope to hear

At his word I found my own eyes droop, soon closed to all
Though somehow still, I could see
An eddying swirl of visions from all sides of my mind

He reached out a hand to touch my hair, eiderdown and wire all at once
Wild from all my wandering
But settling gently at his caress

And when my eyes at last did open, I found him still before me
So I licked my lips moist, and sighed
And let him whisk the questions out of my open mouth

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Aug. 14th, 2012

fedal

Help me out?

As I have mentioned previously, I was considering writing an entry for Mamamia's erotic fiction contest. I planned to make it about fictional male tennis players who get into a relationship, and base the story in part on both canon and fanon elements of Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal's lives. As was suggested, I kept one player Spanish, and made the other German. The younger player, though, was to be the German one.

So I went ahead and wrote my 1k word entry. Now I'm just wondering if anyone would like to give the piece of writing a brief once-over for me? Just needs a quick check for grammar, spelling and readability before I send it off to Mamamia.

Any takers?

Jul. 26th, 2012

fedal

(no subject)

Something is wrong with me, but I have no idea what. All I know is that over the past four or so days (that is, roughly 100 hours), I have been awake for only about 20 hours total. That is just five hours a day, when I usually average around 15 or 16, sometimes more. So I have basically been asleep for three out of the past four days. And that is just not right.

I am exhausted all the time. But I have no reason to be tired. I haven't been exerting myself, and I haven't been absolutely sedentary either. So I should have a pretty normal sleep/wake cycle. However, I am still sleeping far too much, and the hours that I'm awake are bizarre - currently its 2:05am, for example.

I think I need to see a doctor.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Jul. 24th, 2012

fedal

Meme and my shadow

I can't sleep. As usual.
So maybe you can show me some love, anonymously or not?


((a love meme))

my thread

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